


An Interplanetary Comms Call - A Rita Minute

by acerbicsarcasm



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Fluff and Fun, Gen, Getting adjusted to living in space, Rita is the sun and the moon and the stars and I love her an awful lot bless her soul, Rita tells Frannie everything but not really everything, interplanetary comms calls, not even a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 17:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acerbicsarcasm/pseuds/acerbicsarcasm
Summary: Rita's been on Buddy's spaceship for a while, but that doesn't mean she ain't gonna keep Frannie up to date, right? And, let me tell you, there's an awful lot that's going on.And; never let Rita drive.





	An Interplanetary Comms Call - A Rita Minute

Oh, Frannie, you wouldn’t believe it! Mistah Steel was all flustered, you know, I thought his face was gonna get hot enough to start smoking. And Mistah Kingston, that guy who looks a lot like Rex Glass?

Yeah, Rex Glass, I told you about him. Oh, he was _dreamy_. I guess Kingston is too, but Mistah Steel barely looks him in the eye —

What? You know I can’t tell you that! I’ll give you a hint; somewhere near Jupiter’s moons. Maybe on one of ‘em. Maybe not.

Well, gosh-darn Frannie, you gotta let a girl keep her secrets! I ain’t the only one on this ship, you know. They’ve got errands to run and whatnot, I don’t know all the details, I just like the ship. Sometimes they ask me to do the kinda thing Mistah Steel asked for when we were still working the PI scene, but that’s just old hat by now.

Hm? There’s three of ‘em, if you don’t count Mistah Steel and that Not-Rex-Glass-Guy. Missus Aurinko’s a real neat lady, I think you’d like her. It’s her ship, and she’s letting me fly it! She’s on — wait, no, I can’t tell you that — well, Missus Aurinko’s out for a bit, and she let me drive, all by my lil’ old self!

It’s real neat, Fran, I think you’d like it. It’s just like something right outta the set of _Space Pirates of the Asteroid Sea_ , the one with that captain you liked so much?

In fact, Missus Ai reminds me a lotta her, she’s got the same kinda look — that one that tells you you’re gonna die somehow, and you start thinking about exactly how you might, and whether it’s gonna be dropped off in the asteroid belt without any air or it’s gonna be dunked in the liquid nitrogen cooling the engines, and you can’t stop thinking about all the different ways there are to hide a body in space … yeah, I think that one part with the supernovas made me realise how easy it would be to hide evidence off-planet. What? No, that was the sequel. Yes it was, Frannie, geez! Trust me, I seen all of ‘em.

But _anyways_ , what was I sayin’?

Yeah, Missus Ai. She’s got this bright green hair and could totally kill you by looking at you. She and Missus Aurinko’s got some kinda history, they’re always makin’ jokes about stories that they ain’t never gonna tell us, no matter how much I ask, and trust me Frannie, I’ve been begging them to tell us!

Huh? Vespa? I don’t think that’s her name, Frannie. Buddy? What kinda a name is that? Buddy Ol’ Pal, is that the whole of it?

Don’t be ridiculous! I’m totally definitely not on a ship with some kinda — kinda — verycutesuperthieves, ha, no, never! I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, I definitely didn’t say nothin’ like that at all and oh-please-don’t-tell-Missus-Ai-that-I-been-talkin’-bout-her-I-don’t-like-that-look-a-hers.

There is! His name is Jet, he’s a sweetheart! He also pays better than Mistah Steel. Oooooooops. What? Oh, nothin’. I mean, I think it’s nothin’.

I mean, it’s not like Mistah Steel _needed_ to pay me — yeah, exactly! But it’s nice to be appreciated, you know? And the joke’s on them, Jet lets me watch my streams while I’m workin’! Mistah Steel was touchy, lemme tell you, I told you. He was having a bad day that one time and bang! Busted up my monitor! I was heartbroken, _heartbroken_.

He apologised, a course. Was real sweet about it too. It was after all that Miasma stuff — you remember, those weren’t very good months at all.

Right?

I’m glad he got out of his funk. Mistah Steel ain’t no good when he’s in one a his _moods_.

Hmm. Ah — hmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

What?? _Totally_ fine. Beepin’? What beeping? Must me on your end Frannie, I ain’t hearin’ it at all. Nothin’ beepin’ or flashin’ here. Nope. We’re doin’ a-oh-kay over here!

Aside from the fact that we’re like, drifting in space. Is this what a spaceship is meant to do? Whaddya mean? You’ve been on one, remember that time when your ma took you out to that Venusian hot springs? Oh, spaceship, shuttle, same thing. Is it normal for it to — I mean, I can’t tell really, our fake gravity is working and all, so I ain’t feelin’ nothing, but I think …

Oh, yup, those stars are moving. Or maybe we’re moving. How fast should stars be moving, Frannie?

You know, I’m sure it’s fine! Missus Aurinko was real clear, this thing’s on autopilot! I don’t need to do anything but sit here.

I told you, I can’t tell you that. Right now I think we’re just goin’ around in circles, but that’s probably intentional. Hopefully. Maybe. Potentially.

Mistah Kingston’s probably around, he didn’t go with Missus Aurinko on the — I mean, he didn’t pop out, is all. Maybe I should get him? He seems like the type to know about how fast stars should be moving.

Jet? Nah, Frannie, I think he’s out. Did you know he’s _never_ seen any of the _Andromeda_ movies? Like, _none at all?_ I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t bring them when I was downloading all my streams! It’s a tragedy, I tell you!

Can you hear me? Yeah, I’m just gonna go look for Mistah Kingston, let him know the ship is spinning. Or might be spinning. I’ve never made a comms call from inside a spaceship before, and I’m not near a window anymore, so let me know if you can’t hear or my voice goes all crackly.

You could send it to me? That would be _fantastic!_ Frannie, you’re the best! I — oopsies, bend down, don’t hit your head Rita — can’t wait to show it to him! He ain’t much of a talker, Mistah Jet, but I have this feeling he’s got a deeply hidden sensitive side. Like, reeeeeeeeeeeeeal deep. It’s always the big strong tall tough jacket-wearin' ones, you know?

And around here, just step over that, here we go … This is a real big spaceship. Apparently Missus Aurinko sold it, but she got it back. Yes, _legally_ , Frannie, of course! Do you think I’d be hangin’ around with some not upstanding citizens! Sheesh, the nerve … I got a great taste in people, you know that! They’re all very polite. I mean, you gotta be, in a place like this — space is awful big, you don’t wanna go around bein’ rude to everyone on your ship. It ain’t like there’s anyone else around.

You’re right, that was a real good episode, but I don’t know if that would work so well in real-life, you know. I learned the other day from Missus Ai that apparently, spaceships don’t freeze food! It’s all made on-planet and then all the water’s sucked out of it and then shot back in before you eat it because otherwise you’d break your teeth or something awful. Some of the older ships still freeze everything, because it’s easier to melt it than it is to — OH MY GOD!

Hang on, Frannie, I gotta … wait, I — ooph! That’s a wall, Rita, that’s a wall, we’re not gonna run into walls anymore — did you _see_ that?

Oh. Right. No, you can’t see anything. Alright. I think they can’t hear me. Oh boy. Well, I can’t hear them, and that’s something.

It ain’t my fault! I was just lookin’ for Mistah Kingston to ask about the spinning stars and so I went all the way over to his room, and lemme tell you, it’s a real long way, these halls ain’t exactly easy to walk through, you know, I keep hitting my head on the doors and I’m only five feet tall — but I got to his room and I didn’t knock or nothing because we all live together, right? And he’s got — okay guess. Guess guess guess guess _guess!_

No.

Nope.

Ew, no!

Lemme tell you, he’s got _Mistah Steel_ on his lap! There were _some_ clothes, but I didn’t really stay to have a look! That’s my boss! Or, you know, my ex-boss, but you know he never technically fired me so I think I still work for him legally or on paper or something but that’s not the point, the point is I don’t _wanna_ see my boss and his date in Mistah Kingston’s bed!

His date. Oh, my gosh. Frannie, you know what this means? The boss has a date!

Yeah, I think that’s real nice too. You know, he’s been a bit grumpy for a while, and all that stuff with the ex-mayor got him real down. I think this’ll be good for him. And they’d be real sweet together.

Hm? Oh, right. Yeah, I think the stars are definitely spinning. It’s real good I can’t feel anything, with the gravity and all, because I’d probably puke. Remember that time in Polaris Park, when I —

Well, yeah, I should _probably_ fix it, but I’m sure someone else will. I’m on the other side of the ship now, I ain’t gonna walk all the way back!

You’re right. Missus Ai is a very scary lady.

Alright. I just gotta make sure I duck, because otherwise I’m gonna run head-first into one of these tiny doors and I’ll end up asleep on the floor and that ain’t gonna help anyone, will it?

Oh, Fran. I miss you, you know. You should come visit! But I can’t tell you where. We’d have to take you from the shuttle and blindfold you, and then fly in circles around the asteroid belt so you lose your sense of direction, and then we’ll take you to our secret underground hideout. No, we don’t have any of those, but we do have a secret floating hideout! I’ll show you after you take the blindfold off.

Ooh, that would be fun! It would be just like old times, ain’t it, when we used to —

Oh. Oh. Uh, Frannie gotta go I’ll talk to you later Missus Ai is here and the ship’s stopped spinning but remember that look I told you about I’m getting that look now and I’ll call you later and if I don’t I’m probably gonna be in the bottom of a liquid nitrogen freezer somewhere byeeeeeeee!

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @mistah-aluminium!  
> Comments, feedback, kudos, questions, all appreciated! Also, spread the Rita love, she's the best.


End file.
